Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Paging Dr. Buzzkill. Dr. Buzzkill...
Sorry I haven't been around for the last few days. I've been out of the office, and my freaking apartment's been too hot to run the damn computer. Okay, here's a few thoughts for my friend and colleague Fogelmatrix:
1) People who live on the East Coast are the biggest self-centered, egotistical, arrogant, cock-sucking fucktards in the world.
Well, you've obviously never been to LA. I think the problem here is that you are judging the entire Eastern seaboard based on the people in one small town in Minnesota. Simple fact of the matter is that people from all over this country pretty much suck. People suck all over the world. There are plenty of good people, but they are grossly outnumbered by assholes. It's not just that the assholes are generally bad either. It's just that most of them are so wrapped up in their own shit that they ignore how they affect others.
a) I no longer want to hear about how badly the Franch treat Americans. It is because of East Coast people that we are viewed as retards by the rest of the world
The French don't really hate us. It's mainly people in Paris and other high tourism areas, and I don't blame them. Personally, I hate tourists more than anything. They're loud, obnoxious and crass. The demand everything and want everything RIGHT NOW. They want to find America in non-American places. They go to other countries and expect everyone to speak English, regardless of how far that country may be from the English speaking parts of the world.
So, droves of Americans flock to Paris and annoy the shit out of the locals. They say things like “We saved your ass in WWII,” fully confident in their “superiority” and fully ignorant of the fact that the French saved our asses in the Revolutionary War. We piss of the locals, and the locals are rude to us. We go back to the US and start complaining about how rude the French were. Then people here start thinking, “Hey, we saved their asses in WWII, those ungrateful French bastards!” and the next thing you know we have “freedom fries.”
b) Why do East Coasters feel the need to pass me and then cut me off? You only got ONE CAR AHEAD OF WHERE YOU WERE!!!!!!!!!!!!! How much time did that really save you?
I have a 45 minute commute in the morning, so you're preaching to the choir. However, if you think East Coast drivers are bad, you should go to Texas. Simple fact is, everyone thinks that they are a good driver. Since that can't possibly be true, logic suggests that we are all fooling ourselves. Assholes everywhere, my friend, too wrapped up in their own shit.
2) I hate people.
No, really?
3) Hollywood has no clue what it is doing anymore.
a) Just admit it. None of you have any intelligence. None of you have any interesting ideas.
Hollywood has never had any idea what they were doing. This is the same place that thought it would be a good idea to cast John Wayne as Genghis Khan. They've been making crap movies for generations. The only reason they're recycling old TV shows so much is because they've had so much success with it. Admittedly, some of them are good flicks. Mission: Impossible was good, so was the Addams Family. Recycling old TV shows isn't exactly a bad thing either. Battlestar Galactica is a great show. Best Sci-Fi show on TV, in fact.
The reason that movies seem like they are getting worse is because we've forgotten about all the bad movies that have come before. Remember Porky's Revenge? Stewardess School? Police Academy 12? The only reason we know about the current batch of bad movies is because we see commercials on TV.
b) To the person that is planning on doing a CG version of the Smurfs. Kill yourself.
There's also a CG version of Popeye. The only reason I know that is because I have a 4-year-old niece. It will probably go straight to video. The only reason you need to worry about it is if you become a parent. If that happens, you have bigger worries, like Barbie in Swan Lake or Barney: Live in New York. The thing is, when it comes to TV and movies, nothing, and I mean nothing, is sacred.
c) All the god-damned people that buy shit like Star, People, US weekly, and any other gossip magazine need to choke themselves to death on Katie Holmes bloodied tampon. Because of you, I need to hear about Tom Cruises love life every nanosecond of every day. Because of you there are TV shows that "makeover" people with plastic surgery to make them look like movie stars.
Well, I managed to get through the entire Tom Cruise midlife crisis without hearing hardly anything about it. I say, if people want to mutilate their bodies on fucked up plastic surgery shows, let 'em. If people want to watch fucked up plastic surgery shows, let 'em. Personally, I suggest changing channels. Stop watching E! and VH1 and you'll be okay. Trust me. Stay away from the light, Carol Anne.
3) This country is collapsing around us.
a) Don't try to argue this by telling me that the crime rate is down and the cost of living is rising and the economy is recovering and all that other bullshit. This country is a pathetic mess that is no more concerned about "moral" values than what I had for dinner. Don't tell me about your moral values when we as a country are more concerned about other countries than our own.
When exactly was this a moral country? When was this country in a better state than we are now? When were the good ol' days that I've heard so much about?
I don't think that the country is collapsing. I think the leadership is full of shit, preaching about morality and then waging wars that we didn't need to fight based on bullshit intelligence and boldface lies, all the while outing CIA spies for political gain and then covering up who did it, while promising to fire that person if they ever knew who did it and then going back on your word when it turns out to be your closest advisor. (Whew!)
As for being more concerned about other countries, the United States seems to be the least concerned about the affairs of other countries, at least when it comes to the industrialized nations. People will argue that the US gives more money and aid to other countries than any other nation in the world. That's just because we have more money than everyone else. Nothing we do (at least nothing our government does) is ever done without it being in American interests. Not a damn thing.
1) People who live on the East Coast are the biggest self-centered, egotistical, arrogant, cock-sucking fucktards in the world.
Well, you've obviously never been to LA. I think the problem here is that you are judging the entire Eastern seaboard based on the people in one small town in Minnesota. Simple fact of the matter is that people from all over this country pretty much suck. People suck all over the world. There are plenty of good people, but they are grossly outnumbered by assholes. It's not just that the assholes are generally bad either. It's just that most of them are so wrapped up in their own shit that they ignore how they affect others.
a) I no longer want to hear about how badly the Franch treat Americans. It is because of East Coast people that we are viewed as retards by the rest of the world
The French don't really hate us. It's mainly people in Paris and other high tourism areas, and I don't blame them. Personally, I hate tourists more than anything. They're loud, obnoxious and crass. The demand everything and want everything RIGHT NOW. They want to find America in non-American places. They go to other countries and expect everyone to speak English, regardless of how far that country may be from the English speaking parts of the world.
So, droves of Americans flock to Paris and annoy the shit out of the locals. They say things like “We saved your ass in WWII,” fully confident in their “superiority” and fully ignorant of the fact that the French saved our asses in the Revolutionary War. We piss of the locals, and the locals are rude to us. We go back to the US and start complaining about how rude the French were. Then people here start thinking, “Hey, we saved their asses in WWII, those ungrateful French bastards!” and the next thing you know we have “freedom fries.”
b) Why do East Coasters feel the need to pass me and then cut me off? You only got ONE CAR AHEAD OF WHERE YOU WERE!!!!!!!!!!!!! How much time did that really save you?
I have a 45 minute commute in the morning, so you're preaching to the choir. However, if you think East Coast drivers are bad, you should go to Texas. Simple fact is, everyone thinks that they are a good driver. Since that can't possibly be true, logic suggests that we are all fooling ourselves. Assholes everywhere, my friend, too wrapped up in their own shit.
2) I hate people.
No, really?
3) Hollywood has no clue what it is doing anymore.
a) Just admit it. None of you have any intelligence. None of you have any interesting ideas.
Hollywood has never had any idea what they were doing. This is the same place that thought it would be a good idea to cast John Wayne as Genghis Khan. They've been making crap movies for generations. The only reason they're recycling old TV shows so much is because they've had so much success with it. Admittedly, some of them are good flicks. Mission: Impossible was good, so was the Addams Family. Recycling old TV shows isn't exactly a bad thing either. Battlestar Galactica is a great show. Best Sci-Fi show on TV, in fact.
The reason that movies seem like they are getting worse is because we've forgotten about all the bad movies that have come before. Remember Porky's Revenge? Stewardess School? Police Academy 12? The only reason we know about the current batch of bad movies is because we see commercials on TV.
b) To the person that is planning on doing a CG version of the Smurfs. Kill yourself.
There's also a CG version of Popeye. The only reason I know that is because I have a 4-year-old niece. It will probably go straight to video. The only reason you need to worry about it is if you become a parent. If that happens, you have bigger worries, like Barbie in Swan Lake or Barney: Live in New York. The thing is, when it comes to TV and movies, nothing, and I mean nothing, is sacred.
c) All the god-damned people that buy shit like Star, People, US weekly, and any other gossip magazine need to choke themselves to death on Katie Holmes bloodied tampon. Because of you, I need to hear about Tom Cruises love life every nanosecond of every day. Because of you there are TV shows that "makeover" people with plastic surgery to make them look like movie stars.
Well, I managed to get through the entire Tom Cruise midlife crisis without hearing hardly anything about it. I say, if people want to mutilate their bodies on fucked up plastic surgery shows, let 'em. If people want to watch fucked up plastic surgery shows, let 'em. Personally, I suggest changing channels. Stop watching E! and VH1 and you'll be okay. Trust me. Stay away from the light, Carol Anne.
3) This country is collapsing around us.
a) Don't try to argue this by telling me that the crime rate is down and the cost of living is rising and the economy is recovering and all that other bullshit. This country is a pathetic mess that is no more concerned about "moral" values than what I had for dinner. Don't tell me about your moral values when we as a country are more concerned about other countries than our own.
When exactly was this a moral country? When was this country in a better state than we are now? When were the good ol' days that I've heard so much about?
I don't think that the country is collapsing. I think the leadership is full of shit, preaching about morality and then waging wars that we didn't need to fight based on bullshit intelligence and boldface lies, all the while outing CIA spies for political gain and then covering up who did it, while promising to fire that person if they ever knew who did it and then going back on your word when it turns out to be your closest advisor. (Whew!)
As for being more concerned about other countries, the United States seems to be the least concerned about the affairs of other countries, at least when it comes to the industrialized nations. People will argue that the US gives more money and aid to other countries than any other nation in the world. That's just because we have more money than everyone else. Nothing we do (at least nothing our government does) is ever done without it being in American interests. Not a damn thing.
