Monday, August 29, 2005

 

Hey NeoColletor

You're latest post won't allow for comments, so I guess I'll leverage Nerd Powah to respond.

Kingdom Come & The Dark Knight Returns


These are what I fel to be two of teh finest books ever produced. I would add "Marvels" to this list, but I know you are solely a DC gal.

I lent you both of those books because
A) I knew what an all out Superfreak you are
B) They both give a humanity to big blue that never makes it into a lot of his other stories

The Dark Knight Returns is Batman's book through and through. From the opening car race to the final moments where he fakes his own death. This book pushed me from enjoying comics to loving them in that special man-paper way.

I will always see Superman as the primary villan of this story. It's not that he's outright I'm going to ransom the world for a "beelion dollars" evil, it's just his ideals differ so greatly from Batmans and his faith in humanity almost blinds him to our flaws. This makes him weak and a puppet of a corrupt system. Plus he sold out all of the other super heores simply so he could stay on earth. The best villians are the ones that are convinced that their cause is just. If you didn't read this book, you're not a Superman fan. The new Batman/Superman series has done and amazing job continuing this dichotomy of ideals between these two charachters.

Kingdom Come is a very different book. This is the Elseworld take on "The Justice league" as they enter their golden years. Superman is just tired of it all,, especially the new generation of Superheroes, who embody only the first part of that title. They are cold callous and run the polanet like it's their personal playground as opposed to protecting and cherishing the life around them. Plus the art was done by Alex Ross...

Evolution of a Comic Collector


The one down side to getting te books delievred wouldn't be a problem for you now. You are married to titles and charachters more than authors or artists. As time progresses though you may find yourself following a certain creative team as well as your chestnut subscriptions. I have a couple of these:

Alex Ross: The most stunning picturtes in comics
Kurt Busiek: Astro City and Marvels reignited my love of collecting
Bill Willingham: Any man that make Gepeto the lord of all evil is tops in my book
Brian Vaughan: Ex Machnia, Y: The Last Man & Runaways are less comic books and more artistic indictements on society
Bendis & Johns: The superstars of the Marvel and DC Universes. Johns actually got me reading DC again. Thank You!


What was the book you just finished Neo? Details please, Judas Contract sound familiar, but I can't remember them all.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

 

Rest in Peace, Brock Peters

I was saddened to learn that Brock Peters died on Tuesday of pancreatic cancer.

The first exposure to Brock Peters was listening to him play Darth Vader on the Star Wars Radio Dramas on NPR. This of course was the early Eighties, a time when most people didn't have VCRs, and movies took years to come to video. If you wanted to watch a movie again, you had to drag your parents to the theater only if it was in re-release. So, for a die-hard Star Wars fan, we had the radio. My grandfather taped the shows for me, and I spent countless hours listening over and over again.

For me, Brock Peters was more Darth Vader than James Earl Jones ever was. There were subtleties to his performance which George Lucas could never achieve, even if he had the 6+ hours that the radio show had to do it. Vader's describing the Death Star as he and Princess Leia approach is almost seductive; he is drunk with the power before him. In that same episode, the torture of Leia was more horrific than anything we ever saw on film.

Years later, we read "To Kill a Mockingbird" in 9th grade English. Afterwards, we rented the movie. While I had known Brock Peters all of my life, I had never actually seen him. At the time, I never made the connection. I had missed the opening credits, so I never saw his name. There were three performances that really stood out to me, however. Gregory Peck as Atticus, Mary Badham as Scout, and Brock Peters as Tom.

It wasn't until a couple of years later that I finally saw Brock Peters. In Star Trek VI, he played Admiral Cartwright. Suddenly, it all came to me. The connection was made, and I've looked for him ever since. I've gone back to the old classics like To Kill a Mockingbird (I never realized that Robert Duvall was in it!) or Carmen Jones.

Rest in peace, Mr. Peters. Thanks for all the joy you've given us. We'll miss you.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

 

I'm Kirk - Who Are You?

Which Fantasy/SciFi Character Are You?


 

Burn Baby, Burn

This:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

and this:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

...was what I had to contend with on my commute yesterday. I started my commute on a different highway which was about, oh, eight miles away. I looked to the west and noticed a dark cloud stretching across the horizon.

“Oh great.” I thought. “It’s going to rain today.”

As I got closer to the turnpike, however, I noticed the cloud was no longer a deep grey, but it was now a dark black. It was also boiling up from the ground. I wasn’t sure what it could be. I thought a large building fire, or maybe even a plane crash. I checked the local news radio station for answers.

This was the largest vehicle fire I’d ever seen. 9,000 gallons of gasoline was burning on the side of the road. I slowly inched my way closer and closer, and was finally able to see it.

It was so freakin’ cool. I reached into the back seat scrambling for my bag. I usually keep a digital camera in there, just in case something cool happens. But no, my groggy, sleep-deprived brain had failed to remember to bring it this morning. I was shit out of luck.

Thankfully no one was hurt in the fire. The driver climbed out and no other cars were involved. I wouldn’t have wanted to take pictures of a tragedy. That’s a little sick.

 

New Harry Potter Trailer

The new Harry Potter Trailer looks amazing.

Monday, August 15, 2005

 

Campaign Zaniness

I wasn't expecting this one in 2008: Walken for President

 

Cheese's Basement - Comic Recap

I'm going to start doing some more comic related stuff with my posts. It's a huge part of what I enjoy in life, and to be frank I'm tired of bitching about the state of the world.

I encourage others to continue pontificating about life, love, money, politics, whatever...I've just realized I need to start being a little more positive and slightly more light-hearted.

This is not say some of recaps won't tear the assholes out of books (which can be found directly below the UPC code box for those that don't know comic anatomy), especially some of the schlock that they now want you to pay $3.00 a book for. And let me begin my first recap there.

Annuals


Marvel has brought back the summer annual (at least in their Ultimate Universe) with the release of Ultimates Annual 1. Now, I haven't read this book yet, but when I look at a cover price approaching $4.00 for a book that doesn't measure much thicker than the monthly, I have to say any sympathy I have for the decline of comics starts to wane - drastically.

Forgotten Annuals
Like every other child I looked forward to the summertime. Eternal days spent running between sprinklers (or pool hopping as I entered my rebellious years), and sneaking between peoples' back yards to shave just a few precious minutes off my trip to Hubbard's Cupboard to buy some candy (loved Gobstoppers), a slushie, and most importantly my comic annuals.

Annuals were priceless. For slightly more than the cover price of your monthly books, you received three times the publication. Some would be compilations of many stories, others would offer a seamless continuity between all of the summer annuals in that particular universe.

Those days seem to be gone. Now this Ultimates Annual could be the best story I've ever had the privilege of reading, but that doesn't negate the fact that I'll be done with it in the same time it takes me to read the monthly.

Am I asking for quantity not quality? No, I want both.

My Favorite Annual
Anyone who claims to love DC and hasn't read Armageddon 2001 from the early 90's is only merely infatuated. Like marriage, true love doesn't happen until you've endured some hardship together, when you have walked through dark times and emerged together smiling and better for the journey. Armageddon 2001 is similar in that it takes you on a dark journey to the future (now past) of DC's greatest heroes. And you do end up loving them more afterward than before you started. I'll say now, the end is extremely lame, but the journey is so good you forgive them. At least I did.

Wrap up: If you're going to charge me more, give me more or don't bother.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

 

Create a Nintendo Controller

Are you tired of game developers giving the same button multiple functions? Do you long for even more complex combo sequences in Mortal Kombat. The problem isn't with the games, it's because we don't have enough buttons to choose from.

Well the wait is over. Show Japan 'What's What' with the Nintendo Controller Editor.

Let them know that in America we like our controller big and unruly. Bill Gates understands.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

 

What to do if a failed sci-fi author founded your religion...

Someone I know recently told me that they would never pay to see a Tom Cruise movie again. The reason was that while appearing on Oprah, Cruise stated that he didn't believe that there was such thing as chemical imbalances in the brain and that all mental disorders and learning diabillities are essentially imagined. This was based on his belief in Scientology. My friend thought this was extremely irresponsible of him and how the hell could he do that. He's a role model and should be setting an example, and so on.

Now, I have had my share of chemical imbalances and medications. I have had people very close to me have severe mental problems including clinical depression, bipolar disorder and so on. I have seen what a chemical imbalance can do to a person, and it is truly horrific.

That being said, I have to say I could give a rat's ass about what Tom Cruise has to say about depression and chemical imbalances. To me, he is not a role model and no one, no one, should look to movie stars to set an example. Role models are people who have done things that better mankind. Role models are people who not only overcome but triumph against adversity. Role models are selfless people. What part of that description does a movie star fill?

Movie stars really tick me off. They are selfish, grossly overpaid egomaniacs. Of all of the people who work to make a movie, they do the least amount of work and get paid the most. They are spoiled and coddled. Some develop a guilt complex from this and then proceed to plague us with their lame ass attempts at charity or political activism. They seem to think that just because they've achieved some sort of celebrity, that their opinion of world events is more valid than yours or mine. They think that going on a tour of a famine-ridden village for a few photo ops with dying children seems to do some good.

Don't get me wrong; I have no problem with actors. Most actors are hard-working people dedicated to their art. Actors make commercials for hemorrhoid cream and make training films for pharmaceutical companies in order to eat. There is a fundamental difference between an actor and a movie star. I don't know when the change happens. Perhaps it's with the first click of a paparazzi camera. Perhaps it's the first seven-figure check. I don't know.

Tom Cruise is a moron. Anyone who believes there is no such thing as a chemical imbalance should go down to any mental hospital and look the patients in the eye and say “Everything that's wrong with you doesn't exist.” He's a self-righteous idiot. Do I think him irresponsible for going on TV and saying that? No. It's his belief and he's entitled to it, no matter how stupid it is. He's not pretending to be an expert. If I had to pick anyone, I blame Oprah for giving him the opportunity. She should have at least had someone on the couch to counter the argument, even if it was a dink like Dr. Phil.

People have told me that I shouldn't make fun of Scientologists, that just because one person in their ranks is a nutjob that doesn't mean everyone is. Well, no one ever had a problem with thinking that all of the Heaven's Gate cult was a bunch of raving nutters. And don't hand me that "Scientology is a religion, not a cult" nonsense. Do you know what the difference between a cult and a religion is? Numbers.

A group of 100 people worshiping a rutabaga is a cult. A group of 100 million people worshiping that rutabaga is a major religion. Christianity was considered a cult by the Romans until Constantine converted and made it the official religion of Rome.

So I'll still go see Tom Cruise's movies. I've enjoyed his work from time to time. Do I respect him? No. Do I think he's an idiot? Yes. Does his opinion influence me in the slightest? No. Should it for anyone? Only if you're in a scene with him. Is he someone to look up to? Not on your life.

Do you know why they are called stars? Because their asses shine so brightly after being kissed so much.

Monday, August 08, 2005

 

Sheath That Read

I have a friend that has dabbled in comics for a few years and is getting to the point where she needs to start protecting them from harsh elements and small children.

The text below is an affront and insult to the regular readers of this Blog, and for that I am sorry. Please don’t try and bludgeon me with plastic lightsabres, they leave nasty welts.

Overview


You will need three separate items totaling about $20 from the comic shop. The Scotch Tape can be easily stolen from your employer. I know, I did it for four years ;-). After describing each item I will offer the proper language to use with the store clerk when you go to buy your items.

Mylar Bags


Meet your comic’s new skin. They come in counts of 100. These plastic slipcovers keep the book free of dust, pizza, beer, goat milk, anthrax (side note: I’ve decided to get Four Nerds on a terror watch list, but the catch is we must be subtle and creative. Foglematrix you can’t write terror over and over again) …you know the usual shit that flies through a house on a Saturday afternoon. Mylars come in several sizes. Size does matter when it comes to Mylar Bags.

Golden Age: The Magnums of comic bagging. You know how our grandparents used to bitch about not having anything. Well one thing they had to have was a fuck load of paper to be able to create these behemoth size books. They come 1567”x8990” and require a crane to turn the pages.

Silver Age: Here is where the baby boomers first exhibited their future fascination for the miniaturization of America. Silver Age comics are a far more manageable in size than their carpal tunnel inducing predecessors. Silver Age is a little large for modern books, but a little bit too big is what you want. Now Golden Age bags are way too big, the actually only have another few years before they turn into fossil fuel.

Modern Age: Why they make this size I still have no clue. They fit nothing. They will choke any comic book that sits on the shelves today. The comic store may think you a rube and tell you that you need this size. Why? Well they’ll say because you want the books to be as airtight as possible. If they say this look them dead in the eye and tell them these are comic books, not surgical equipment. The fit is too snug with these bags. It will put stress on the books spine and may even warp the book.

You Say: May I please have a bag of silver age comics bags. No, not modern age you mongoloid. I’m sorry you were so fucking stupid to buy bags that don’t fit anything, but that’s not my problem.

Backing Boards


The Skeleton of your comic protection system keeps the books straight and stops warping and other nasty bending mishaps. These come in counts of 100 again and once again you want silver age.

You Say: I need a package of Silver Age backing Boards. Why would I want modern age? You just gave me Silver Age bags. Pull that shit again and I will slit your throat with Detective comics 820. I hate you. Silver Age fan boy. Chop! Chop!

Long Boxes


Comic boxes are shaped to fit comics so they keep them standing straight and proud. They come in long box and short box sizes. Buy the long box. Short boxes really don’t hold anything.

You Say: May I please have a long box? No, not a short box. Did you ride the short bus to work today? Take your short box, and put your modern age bags and boards inside and shove them up your tiny urethra sideways. And fold that shit up. I don’t know origami.

(Note: Seriously have them fold the box and watch them. It’s slightly confusing the first time.)

Take the board. Put it in the bag and then put in the comic. Scotch tape (remember scotch tape hoard is between the two Davids) it shut all shut and place in long box. Your comic is now safe.

 

Randomness

I just bought a bike the other day. I have to tell you, I'd forgotten how much fun bikes can be. I didn't get my license until I was 20, and up until then I used to ride my bike everywhere, rain or shine. Well, it's been over a decade since I started driving, and I've hardly been on a bike since.

So, I bought one. I can't go up hills like I used to, but I just need to get back in shape. I've been riding every night and having a blast. I've gotten all kinds of accessories and stuff. I feel like I'm in Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. I got a U-lock, a tire pump, a water bottle thing.

I bought a helmet, but I feel ridiculous in the damn thing. I know I should wear it, but I feel like an idiot. There's that part of me that says "You got along for 20+ years without a bike helmet and were just fine. Why do you need one now? I have had all kinds of bike wipeouts, and only ever came away with scrapes and bruises. I'll be fine."

People always say, "You'll crack your skull open." Honestly, has anyone ever heard of anyone doing this? I have met and heard of people breaking all kinds of bones. Legs, arms, wrists, ankles, feet, toes, fingers, noses, jaws, hips, ribs, collar bones. I even know a couple of people who broke their backs (and are still walking, thank God.) But have you ever heard of someone who has actually cracked their skull open? Alive or dead? I don't think it's a particularly common injury.

Then I remind myself that last week I managed to slam my fucking torso in a car door. So, I put the damn thing on. Your head is basically wrapped in styrofoam. I expected something more substantial. I wish they had invented something cooler looking, though. My head is large enough without this big red hunk of plastic and styrofoam accentuating it. Something like an Imperial Scout Trooper or a Viking helmet.

Friday, August 05, 2005

 

Idiocy and the Quest for Basic Motor Skills

In the past, I have made many great rants both here and elsewhere about the idiocy of the human race. I have for a long time believed that you should be allowed to slap stupid people. (For which I know I would get slapped often) I have said that if you could bottle and burn stupidity, the human race would never again need to bother with fossil fuels. Mind you, I am not talking about people who have suffered brain damage or mental retardation. I am talking of ordinary people who just seem to do stupid shit all the time.

Well, I come to you today a humbled man, true believers. A reminder that I, like everyone else, can be an idiot. I am sure I am making too much of a pretty minor thing, but I still feel like a moron. I have always counted myself as a relatively intelligent person. Not a genius, to be sure. I will probably never win a Nobel Prize, nor do I have a membership in Mensa. I can, however, go for an entire week without saying "Duh."

This morning I arrived at work, twenty minutes late, because I forgot my cell phone and my sunglasses and had to go back for them. No big deal, people forget stuff at home all the time, especially early in the morning when they are still not fully awake.

Anyway, I got into the office, made a phone call, checked my email, and then realized that once again, I forgot my cell phone, this time in the car. I went outside and opened the passenger side door. It should be noted, dear readers, that I was standing on the sidewalk, so that the door was several inches lower in relation to my body. I reached in, grabbed my phone, and slammed the door shut.

And that's when it happened. A searing pain ran across the left side of my chest. I went OW! I hear a gasp from a passerby, followed by a sympathetic "Ooh!" No, it wasn't a heart attack, my friends. I hadn't been hit by a passing cyclist. I had not been shot, nor had I been stabbed.

I had slammed the top corner of the car door into the left side of my body.

There is now a two-inch gash running along my ribcage, about level with the bottom of my sternum. I look like I have been in a knife fight. Admittedly, the wound looks kinda cool, but it still hurts like hell.

Now, I have both heard and seen people slam body parts in doors. A finger, a hand, even a foot. These are perfectly normal accidents. The extremities are always vulnerable to misfortune. That's why God or evolution or whatever you believe, didn't put any major organs in our arms and legs.

But what kind of idiot do you have to be to slam your fucking abdomen in a car door?! What part of you has to malfunction to not realize that your torso is too close to the door? What failure of depth perception and basic motor skills in involved? What chances of survival does one have when he can't even protect the largest part of his body?

So, I stand before you as an idiot. It's not the first dumb thing I have done (this week). It will not be the last, I assure you. It does serve as a reminder that despite all of our bitching about the dumb shit that people do; we're all in the same boat. It's the one thing that all of us truly have in common. We're all prone to real acts of complete and utter idiocy.

I still hate stupid people. It's part of the great hypocrisy that is me. DUUUUUHHH....

Monday, August 01, 2005

 

Graphics...check - Gameplay...check - Voices...Fuck It!

On the recommendation of my esteemed colleague Dr. Spaulding I went out and purchased the bargain bin gem Spider-Man 2. I LOVE IT!!!!.

Fogle has been listening to me complain for months about the fact that I have a huge void in my gaming life since quitting Everquest 2. I have been filling this void with a variety of games that have entertained me for 5 minutes and then left me wanting for more. Very similar to my experience with my first HS girlfriend. Anyway, Spidey is certainly all that and a bag of chips as all the kids say these days. With one problem. And this isn't a problem solely with Spidey, it's all video games. THE VOICE ACTING IS HORRIBLE!!!!!!

WHY! GOD? WHY.


Read the above header again. Pay attention to the punctuation. Because that is exactly how video game dialogue is delivered. Being an active member of community theater, I'm privy to a slew of shity acting. Someone who emphasizes all the wrong words or parts of a word for dramatic effect is a community theater actor through and through. Video Game actors are guilty of the same sin. Which leads me to the conclusion that all video game voice actors are pulled directly from the Summerhouse Players production of "My Fair Lady" or "Hair".

Spidey as a game was going in a great direction. Toby McGuire did the Spidey dialogue, Bruce Campbell acts as your smart-ass smarmy narrator and then came the first cut scene with Mary Jane Watson and as the first syllable passed through her tiny teeth I was immediately ripped from the game environment and reminded of teh fact I was a 30 year old man controlling a man spider on the TV. For one second we'll look past the fact that the person they got to play Mary Jane sounded nothing like her. This is remotely forgivable since it isn't too far off the mark. But once again, someone forgot to ask this "actor" if she had basic reading comprehension skills. I guess Ms. dunst was too busy making that awful tennis movie.

When Did Hermione Have the spell Tracheometry Holus Cast on Her?


As bad as Mary Jane is the other elements of the spidey game let you easily forget this faux pas. A series of games that go past the point of redemption are the Harry Potter titles. Now, I love Harry Potter; the books, the movies, hell I've even contemplated buying one of those replica wands. But the one thing I was going to avoid like a Family Ties reunion (simply because I don't ever want to see Brian Bonsall work again) were the video game titles. I knew they were developed for kids and as such I realized the challenges would be...unchallenging.

However, Mrs. Cheese isn't as critical as I am and will allow no piece of Potter to sit on a store shelf. So when the PoA game came out we were first in line to buy it. As expected the puzzles were easy, the cut scenes weren't as visually stunning as the actual movie and the voice acting was horrendous. I take that back Ron and Harry were awful. Hermione however sounded like she was 45 and smoked three packs a day. Did they even do a sound test to try and make it close?

What do you guys think?