Four Nerds

Last night, I was flipping through the channels and I happened across a show on the Discovery Channel. The show was opening us up to fascinating the world of champion racehorses. This isn't something that really interests me. Watching shows on horse racing is like watching fishing shows. Horses are beautiful animals, but unless you own one and can actually ride it, then there's not much point.

What grabbed my attention was the fact that I had stumbled onto the part of the show when they were showing us what happens when you put a horse out to stud. Let me describe how this works. Basically, when the horse is in the mood, they take him to a small room. This room has a metal dummy in it that is roughly the same size and height as a mare. The then proceed to wash the horse, and then bring him up to the dummy. The horse mounts the dummy and goes to town. They then take an "artificial vagina," which is really just a big tube with a hole in one end and a baggie on the other, and place it over the horse's penis. The horse ejaculates, and voila! You have several thousand dollars worth of horse spunk.

The idiot host of the show decided that he should be the one to do this. For his protection, they put a bike helmet on him. As if he didn't feel stupid enough washing a horse's erect member, he also had to do it wearing a yellow bike helmet that was so small it wouldn't fit a four-year-old.

None of this, however, was what caught my attention. Not the equestrian dong washing, the artificial vagina, or even the little yellow helmet. Even if that was what I was into, they have websites for that. No, what caught my attention was the fact that the Discovery Channel decided to blur the horse's penis.

That's right kids, in the same way they blur the half naked crack whores on Cops, they blurred the horse's wang. How fucking repressed does a society have to be when we can't even show the sex organs of another species? This was a friggin' documentary, not a skin flick. (Like I said, they have websites for that). Unbelievable. Guess what, mammals have penises and vaginas people. We don't lay eggs. We have sex.

And we're the only ones who seem to have a problem with that fact. Grow up. It's horses. You can show a fucking sea turtle squeezing out eggs in the sand, but you can't show a vet plucking a horse?