Monday, September 12, 2005
RIP Network Television
OK this started in response to Spaulding's scathing indictment of the media and then started to take on a life of its own.
==============================================================
Every generation changes the rules, but ours is playing a special part in transforming media.
That's what all the networks are saying to us the ever important 18-45 white, male demographic. We are leaving traditional television in droves.
And after owning digital cable for two weeks, I can see why we are collectively saying fuck you to 99% of network television. I was at about 95% when Fogle got me World of Warcraft for my Birthday. And at about 90% with DVD's
Reality TV must end. As we enter season 400 of survivor (Yes the show started in 1605. How do they calculate seasons anyway tehse days?)I am reminded why my faith in humanity has continued to dwindle with each passing year on this planet.
Who cares about these people. I will give shows like Survivor and Apprentice some credit, in that they actually force people to compete for a common goal. However, producers of shows like Simple Life and Filthy Rich Cattledrive deserve to have their lives ended in a death so awful it could only be concocted by Hitler, Napolean and Osama Bin Laden (for anyone who is counting Nostradamus still isn't that far off the mark) sharing a doobie and a case of 40's. How long will we continue to deify these twits that are so out of touch with any other facet of reality aside from their own bubble of spoiledocity (Screw you all - it's a word now).
Joey blows - According to Jim blows Joey - Two and a Half Men is mildly amusing as long as you enjoy watching a spoiled fat kid be loved and cherished for being stupid and lazy. Sitcoms officially blow. So from here on out they will be called Shitcoms.
You know what digital cable has taught me though, Shitcoms always blew. Yes there are gems out there like the first few seasons of Friends and Arrested Development, but they are few and far between. Shows I used to love as a kid I now watch on On Demand and grimace.
Diff'rent Strokes - Blew (and if you watch the opening credits without any context you'll think Mr.D spends every Tuesday cruising the ghetto and picking out afro-american pre-teens to "ride" his limo)
Silver Spoons - You would think this was penned by Corky from "Life Goes On". Sir John Gielgould should have left well enough alone after Paperchase
Supertrain - Die
BJ and the Bear - Wow a monkey and a truck all in the same show. Check my nipples. Rock hard baby. This is exciting TV
I could go on but this list is hurting my mind. Shows have been bad fro a long time, but we watched them becasue there was nothing better on.
Start improving the quality and format of Shitcoms or forever lose us to HBO and Showtime original series. You're making progress with shows like "The Office" Mr. TV Executive but you have a long road ahead of you. And stop copying off the British. We won the war.
==============================================================
Every generation changes the rules, but ours is playing a special part in transforming media.
WE WANT YOU
That's what all the networks are saying to us the ever important 18-45 white, male demographic. We are leaving traditional television in droves.
And after owning digital cable for two weeks, I can see why we are collectively saying fuck you to 99% of network television. I was at about 95% when Fogle got me World of Warcraft for my Birthday. And at about 90% with DVD's
Reality TV must end. As we enter season 400 of survivor (Yes the show started in 1605. How do they calculate seasons anyway tehse days?)I am reminded why my faith in humanity has continued to dwindle with each passing year on this planet.
Who cares about these people. I will give shows like Survivor and Apprentice some credit, in that they actually force people to compete for a common goal. However, producers of shows like Simple Life and Filthy Rich Cattledrive deserve to have their lives ended in a death so awful it could only be concocted by Hitler, Napolean and Osama Bin Laden (for anyone who is counting Nostradamus still isn't that far off the mark) sharing a doobie and a case of 40's. How long will we continue to deify these twits that are so out of touch with any other facet of reality aside from their own bubble of spoiledocity (Screw you all - it's a word now).
Thanks for the Shitcoms
Joey blows - According to Jim blows Joey - Two and a Half Men is mildly amusing as long as you enjoy watching a spoiled fat kid be loved and cherished for being stupid and lazy. Sitcoms officially blow. So from here on out they will be called Shitcoms.
You know what digital cable has taught me though, Shitcoms always blew. Yes there are gems out there like the first few seasons of Friends and Arrested Development, but they are few and far between. Shows I used to love as a kid I now watch on On Demand and grimace.
Diff'rent Strokes - Blew (and if you watch the opening credits without any context you'll think Mr.D spends every Tuesday cruising the ghetto and picking out afro-american pre-teens to "ride" his limo)
Silver Spoons - You would think this was penned by Corky from "Life Goes On". Sir John Gielgould should have left well enough alone after Paperchase
Supertrain - Die
BJ and the Bear - Wow a monkey and a truck all in the same show. Check my nipples. Rock hard baby. This is exciting TV
I could go on but this list is hurting my mind. Shows have been bad fro a long time, but we watched them becasue there was nothing better on.
Start improving the quality and format of Shitcoms or forever lose us to HBO and Showtime original series. You're making progress with shows like "The Office" Mr. TV Executive but you have a long road ahead of you. And stop copying off the British. We won the war.
Comments:
<< Home
I think that's the problem. We all have anywhere from six to ten hours of TV that we watch on a regular basis. Well, let's do the math on that. I have roughly 85 channels on my cable system, which each have to provide some sort of content 24 hours a day. That's 2040 hours of programming each day. That's 14,280 hours a week.
Of that, we only like about 6 hours. So, what's the rest of it? Crap, for the most part. "Reality" TV, infomercials, cheesy TV movies called "Mansquito."
Personally, I haven't found the Simpsons funny in years. They make jokes on the show about the fact that they've outlived their usefullness. They keep it on because it keeps getting ratings, but it's dying a slow death and should have been yanked years ago.
You'll get a couple of good shows here and there. West Wing is good, and I hear Lost is good as well. But I wonder if they can keep up the momentum. The West Wing went downhill when Aaron Sorkin left the show. Usually they end up screwing it all up, like they did on Alias. Seems like anytime something edgy or new comes on, they end up dumbing it down for the masses.
For some reason, the Big 3 networks don't come in at all on my cable system. I would complain, but the truth is, I don't really care, and haven't for years. The broadcast networks have been creeping towards obsolesce for years. I don't care if Geena Davis will be President this fall. Who the hell cares? It's always been like that for me. When Wings went off the air, I was surprised, because I thought it was cancelled five years prior.
Also, there's no such thing as "reality" TV anymore, and there probably never was. The first big reality show was the Real World, where they crammed a bunch of random people in one house and filmed them. That's not reality. That's completely artificial. Now we have Filthy Rich Cattle Drive. Well, how many heirs and heiresses find themselves on cattle drives? Up until now, I'd say zero. Besides, the screwy misadventures of the trust-fund set isn't reality. Those people don't live in the real world and probably never will.
Now we have "Battle of the Network Reality Stars," an adaptation of the freakshow "Battle of the Network Stars" from the late seventies and early eighties. Here, the former casts of the "reality" boom of the last few years compete in idiotic, county-fair-like contests and then are interviewed about what a challenge the dunking booth was. The fact that they are "Reality Stars" pretty much negates any association with "reality."
Of that, we only like about 6 hours. So, what's the rest of it? Crap, for the most part. "Reality" TV, infomercials, cheesy TV movies called "Mansquito."
Personally, I haven't found the Simpsons funny in years. They make jokes on the show about the fact that they've outlived their usefullness. They keep it on because it keeps getting ratings, but it's dying a slow death and should have been yanked years ago.
You'll get a couple of good shows here and there. West Wing is good, and I hear Lost is good as well. But I wonder if they can keep up the momentum. The West Wing went downhill when Aaron Sorkin left the show. Usually they end up screwing it all up, like they did on Alias. Seems like anytime something edgy or new comes on, they end up dumbing it down for the masses.
For some reason, the Big 3 networks don't come in at all on my cable system. I would complain, but the truth is, I don't really care, and haven't for years. The broadcast networks have been creeping towards obsolesce for years. I don't care if Geena Davis will be President this fall. Who the hell cares? It's always been like that for me. When Wings went off the air, I was surprised, because I thought it was cancelled five years prior.
Also, there's no such thing as "reality" TV anymore, and there probably never was. The first big reality show was the Real World, where they crammed a bunch of random people in one house and filmed them. That's not reality. That's completely artificial. Now we have Filthy Rich Cattle Drive. Well, how many heirs and heiresses find themselves on cattle drives? Up until now, I'd say zero. Besides, the screwy misadventures of the trust-fund set isn't reality. Those people don't live in the real world and probably never will.
Now we have "Battle of the Network Reality Stars," an adaptation of the freakshow "Battle of the Network Stars" from the late seventies and early eighties. Here, the former casts of the "reality" boom of the last few years compete in idiotic, county-fair-like contests and then are interviewed about what a challenge the dunking booth was. The fact that they are "Reality Stars" pretty much negates any association with "reality."
Since "Reality Stars" is a contradiction in terms, then I think they should now be called "Media Whores."
Post a Comment
<< Home
