Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Diversity Schmirsity
I recently attended a conference in DC and had the privelage of meeting Steve C. who authors the Corporate Hallucinations Blog. Steve (like myself) is tired of the rhetorical nonsense spewed forth by the communications grinder. His latest post is on the topic of diversity, read my response below:
"Diversity is like a potato."
This was the opening salvo for the clockwork orange style diversity indoctrination I received at my former employer.
Despite the fact we were hemorrhaging funds like a hemophiliac on Coumadin, we were all forced to sit through endless hours of this rhetoric.
I digress: Essentially the potato in Ireland serves as a metaphor for Corporate America. If the Irish had only studied genetic engineering before horticulture they would have had multiple types of potatoes. Now assuming in this Bizzaro universe of reverse agrarian culture evolution the Irish had in fact cultivated multiple types of potatoes, the potato famine never would have occurred.
Despite the fact we were still shitting in bed pans and some folks were still ascribing to the heliocentric model of the universe, apparently top minds were hard at work determining the silent potato killer and research did indicate it would only kill one type of potato. Think of it as the Tay Sachs of Spudom.
So like the Irish we can’t have one type of potato in corporate America because if we do the company will die of famine and all the employees will migrate to a new land and every March drink green beer and pick fights with Police horses.
Here’s my take on diversity. A lot of people want to compare it to affirmative action. This is total bullshit. Affirmative action judges you not the quality of your work, but rather the color of your skin. Diversity like affirmative action judges you not on the quality of your work, but unlike affirmative action it judges you on a 12 point scale of different physical and personality attributes of which race is only one line item.
"Diversity is like a potato."
This was the opening salvo for the clockwork orange style diversity indoctrination I received at my former employer.
Despite the fact we were hemorrhaging funds like a hemophiliac on Coumadin, we were all forced to sit through endless hours of this rhetoric.
I digress: Essentially the potato in Ireland serves as a metaphor for Corporate America. If the Irish had only studied genetic engineering before horticulture they would have had multiple types of potatoes. Now assuming in this Bizzaro universe of reverse agrarian culture evolution the Irish had in fact cultivated multiple types of potatoes, the potato famine never would have occurred.
Despite the fact we were still shitting in bed pans and some folks were still ascribing to the heliocentric model of the universe, apparently top minds were hard at work determining the silent potato killer and research did indicate it would only kill one type of potato. Think of it as the Tay Sachs of Spudom.
So like the Irish we can’t have one type of potato in corporate America because if we do the company will die of famine and all the employees will migrate to a new land and every March drink green beer and pick fights with Police horses.
Here’s my take on diversity. A lot of people want to compare it to affirmative action. This is total bullshit. Affirmative action judges you not the quality of your work, but rather the color of your skin. Diversity like affirmative action judges you not on the quality of your work, but unlike affirmative action it judges you on a 12 point scale of different physical and personality attributes of which race is only one line item.
Comments:
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Hmm, that's an interesting, if not convoluted analogy. Not knowing whether or not the potato blight affects more than one kind of potato, I can't really comment on the validity of the statement.
As for genetic engineering, people have been doing that practically since the dawn of man. It's not the test-tube and gamma rays method popular in the comics and movies. It's easier than that and it's the reason you have St. Bernards and Chihuahuas. It's called breeding. Humans have been mucking about the genetic codes of animals and plants for millennia. We just didn't know it was called DNA.
As for the famine, there is an alternate message here. It's one of those things that drives me nuts about a poorly chosen analogy. Please, know what the fuck you are talking about before you open your mouth.
People seem to think that simply because it's called the Potato Famine, that's the only food they have in Ireland. That, of course, is bullshit. While it was the largest crop in Ireland, they did have all kinds of food in Ireland.
The problem was that a large part of the farms in Ireland were owned by the English in sort of a plantation style situation. They produced food, and shipped it over to England. The Irish who worked the farms were dirt poor, and spuds were cheap. So, when the blight hit, they were shit out of luck.
Yeah, they had to farm the food that was being sent over to England, and slowly starve to death in the process. Nice, huh?
From that perspective, I suppose the message is "Don't let any foreigners in, because they are only looking out for themselves and their interests. They could come in and take over, reap everything of value, and fuck you and yours over until you're dead on a slab."
I'm not saying I agree with it, I 'm just saying that's one way to look at it.
As for genetic engineering, people have been doing that practically since the dawn of man. It's not the test-tube and gamma rays method popular in the comics and movies. It's easier than that and it's the reason you have St. Bernards and Chihuahuas. It's called breeding. Humans have been mucking about the genetic codes of animals and plants for millennia. We just didn't know it was called DNA.
As for the famine, there is an alternate message here. It's one of those things that drives me nuts about a poorly chosen analogy. Please, know what the fuck you are talking about before you open your mouth.
People seem to think that simply because it's called the Potato Famine, that's the only food they have in Ireland. That, of course, is bullshit. While it was the largest crop in Ireland, they did have all kinds of food in Ireland.
The problem was that a large part of the farms in Ireland were owned by the English in sort of a plantation style situation. They produced food, and shipped it over to England. The Irish who worked the farms were dirt poor, and spuds were cheap. So, when the blight hit, they were shit out of luck.
Yeah, they had to farm the food that was being sent over to England, and slowly starve to death in the process. Nice, huh?
From that perspective, I suppose the message is "Don't let any foreigners in, because they are only looking out for themselves and their interests. They could come in and take over, reap everything of value, and fuck you and yours over until you're dead on a slab."
I'm not saying I agree with it, I 'm just saying that's one way to look at it.
One slight addendum- I know I said, "Please, know what the fuck you are talking about before you open your mouth."
I should have said if you're going to present yourself as some kind of expert, please, know what the fuck you are talking about before you open your mouth. After all, I ramble on about all kinds of crap with no idea if I am right or not. I could be completely wrong about the potato famine thing.
However, the one thing I am not is an expert on anything (with the possible exception of bitching and complaining).
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I should have said if you're going to present yourself as some kind of expert, please, know what the fuck you are talking about before you open your mouth. After all, I ramble on about all kinds of crap with no idea if I am right or not. I could be completely wrong about the potato famine thing.
However, the one thing I am not is an expert on anything (with the possible exception of bitching and complaining).
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