Thursday, August 31, 2006
CorpComm During the Holidays
Global communications are like trying to hit the bulls-eye on a dart board after a bottle of Riesling. The target moves without rhyme or reason.
When I was with my former employer, a global tech company, my team was charged with developing the interactive “Holiday” card.
As we all know, the Greek God Politicocorrectalis has been lording over corporate communications since he won a game of Connect Four against Zeus. So any mentions of color, creed or gender were instantly deemed verboten. Hmmm…so what do we say for this message?
Since this was 2001, we decided a message of peace or at the very least solidarity would be an appropriate feather in the cap of a very turbulent year.
So, I crafted a beautiful message and our Flash designer added some nice snow flakes gently falling to the ground for a touch of ambience.
The day after we sent out the message the flood of calls and e-mails came gushing in. “Alo Mates, it’s summer here in Oz, ow about some sandy beaches next year”, wrote one perturbed customer from Australia. “It hasn’t been a turbulent year for the entire world ey?”, chortled a heartless bastard from Canada.
So now references to climate and world events will get you a firm talking to by the good taste Gestapo. Whatever shall we do?
Golf! Yes, everyone loves golf, especially fat bald white guys in suits, which is our target audience. Because only fat bald white guys rise to the level of purchasing power to rubberstamp the exorbitant cost of our products. So how can we tie in golf to the Holidays in 2002? A game! A Flash based game of mini-golf.
I pull out my Laugh-In thesaurus of bad puns (thank you Nick at Nite), and start tying golf to the “holidays”. The Flash developer likewise starts putting in obstacles based on the same theme. Hit Santa with the ball and he gives a hearty Ho-Ho-Ho, whack the menorah and the candles come on, bump the Kwanza bush and it plays traditional African music. We even built two courses one with a winter theme and the other based on the sunny shores of the Southern Hemisphere.
January 1, 2003 after a restful break we come back once again to a flood of e-mails. “Golf and the Holidays how utterly gauche”, came a response from our friends on the little island across the pond. “Kwanza is an African-AMERICAN holiday you fools”, was written by an irate individual, who I guess had a hard time negotiating the shrub and was pulling in bogeys.
When August 2003 rolled around, my boss came over to my cube and told me it was time to work on our Holiday message again. I told him I would send him an e-mail shortly with my initial pass. When he opened the e-mail it simply read, “Let’s play it safe this year:
Happy December!
The morale? When it comes to international communications, craft your message carefully. Political correctness has not only permeated the global stage it has devoured it.
When I was with my former employer, a global tech company, my team was charged with developing the interactive “Holiday” card.
As we all know, the Greek God Politicocorrectalis has been lording over corporate communications since he won a game of Connect Four against Zeus. So any mentions of color, creed or gender were instantly deemed verboten. Hmmm…so what do we say for this message?
Since this was 2001, we decided a message of peace or at the very least solidarity would be an appropriate feather in the cap of a very turbulent year.
So, I crafted a beautiful message and our Flash designer added some nice snow flakes gently falling to the ground for a touch of ambience.
The day after we sent out the message the flood of calls and e-mails came gushing in. “Alo Mates, it’s summer here in Oz, ow about some sandy beaches next year”, wrote one perturbed customer from Australia. “It hasn’t been a turbulent year for the entire world ey?”, chortled a heartless bastard from Canada.
So now references to climate and world events will get you a firm talking to by the good taste Gestapo. Whatever shall we do?
Golf! Yes, everyone loves golf, especially fat bald white guys in suits, which is our target audience. Because only fat bald white guys rise to the level of purchasing power to rubberstamp the exorbitant cost of our products. So how can we tie in golf to the Holidays in 2002? A game! A Flash based game of mini-golf.
I pull out my Laugh-In thesaurus of bad puns (thank you Nick at Nite), and start tying golf to the “holidays”. The Flash developer likewise starts putting in obstacles based on the same theme. Hit Santa with the ball and he gives a hearty Ho-Ho-Ho, whack the menorah and the candles come on, bump the Kwanza bush and it plays traditional African music. We even built two courses one with a winter theme and the other based on the sunny shores of the Southern Hemisphere.
January 1, 2003 after a restful break we come back once again to a flood of e-mails. “Golf and the Holidays how utterly gauche”, came a response from our friends on the little island across the pond. “Kwanza is an African-AMERICAN holiday you fools”, was written by an irate individual, who I guess had a hard time negotiating the shrub and was pulling in bogeys.
When August 2003 rolled around, my boss came over to my cube and told me it was time to work on our Holiday message again. I told him I would send him an e-mail shortly with my initial pass. When he opened the e-mail it simply read, “Let’s play it safe this year:
Happy December!
The morale? When it comes to international communications, craft your message carefully. Political correctness has not only permeated the global stage it has devoured it.
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You know, I had to build an online greeting card system last year and we had the same problem. What amazes me is the fact that people feel the need to pretend that these holiday cards aren't about Christmas. Please. Who are we trying to kid? If there weren’t a Christmas, we wouldn't bother.
You're never going to get a card that says "Happy Holidays" that runs counter to someone's tradition or circumstances. Las t year we thought perhaps a simple "Happy New Year" message, until someone pointed out that it wasn't the Jewish or Chinese New Years.
We finally settled on a winter theme (our client didn't have an office on the southern hemisphere I guess). Again, who are we trying to kid? We don't send out "Happy Spring" cards or "Merry Summer" cards. The only reason these corporations are doing this is because of Christmas. They just can't say Christmas.
You know, if you're that offended by people saying "Merry Christmas" to you, don't get mad, just throw it back in their faces. If you're Jewish, say "Happy Chanukah." Don't stop there, either. Do it for every holiday. Yom Kippur, Rosh Hashanah, you name it. If someone replies, "I'm not Jewish," you should reply with the same smug "So?" that the Santa crowd has been throwing around for centuries.
You're never going to get a card that says "Happy Holidays" that runs counter to someone's tradition or circumstances. Las t year we thought perhaps a simple "Happy New Year" message, until someone pointed out that it wasn't the Jewish or Chinese New Years.
We finally settled on a winter theme (our client didn't have an office on the southern hemisphere I guess). Again, who are we trying to kid? We don't send out "Happy Spring" cards or "Merry Summer" cards. The only reason these corporations are doing this is because of Christmas. They just can't say Christmas.
You know, if you're that offended by people saying "Merry Christmas" to you, don't get mad, just throw it back in their faces. If you're Jewish, say "Happy Chanukah." Don't stop there, either. Do it for every holiday. Yom Kippur, Rosh Hashanah, you name it. If someone replies, "I'm not Jewish," you should reply with the same smug "So?" that the Santa crowd has been throwing around for centuries.
Enjoyed the blog - airway british detrimental. A new site has been launched with plenty of bargain holidays to choose from. Bookmark http://www.bargainplace.co.uk not just for bargain holidays but for flights and transport to and from airports plus travel insurance deals and holiday clothes.
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